Hi, everybody, and welcome to parenting with the pros and cons. I'm Dr. Molly. And I'm Cinzia Filipovski. And today we are going to be talking about getting a dog, the pros and cons. First, a little bit about us. I'm Dr. Molly. I'm a pediatrician who has been in practice for almost 30 years. And I've spoken to parents, for all of them. I've spoken to them in the exam room, I've spoken to them at the grocery store. And I've even spoken on the stages nationally and locally through the American Academy of Pediatrics and your local PTA. I have four grown children, and I love talking to parents about the pros and cons of everything.

And I'm Cinzia Filipovski. I'm a full time working mother of two five year old twin boys. I'm the executive director of two medical offices, and the owner of a pediatric medical management company. I'm a certified positive parenting educator. So as you can see, I am very busy. I'm trying to balance my life and like you I'm trying to raise my family with all of the pros and cons. So let's dive in.

Yeah, cuz we're gonna be discussing getting a dog and Cinzia is getting a dog.

shhh! not everybody knows yet though

will keep it just between us for now. I have all kinds of questions about this. Now I've had a dog with my children when they were younger, and that dog sadly has gone to dog heaven. But what are you thinking Cinzia?! You have five year old twins and a very busy life? What the heck are you thinking?

Well, this is a question my husband and I have been asking ourselves a lot for the past. I think we put our deposit down about seven or eight months ago for this dog so we've been asking ourselves that on a daily basis. Now that we're really close to getting the dog we're about a week away now. We have really started questioning what the heck are we doing? But we we really kind of are excited about it now and we are really looking forward to it. So why did we decide to get a dog there were a couple main reasons that we decided to get a dog one was as as you guys know, we have two five year old boys in our house. So all they know is each other you know they this past year they've been home with each other they haven't been exposed to a lot of other children because of you know the situation that we've all been you know in. So I feel like they are basically they're great with each other overall but I think they feel like the world is about them. And I feel like they don't really understand outside of themselves. So I feel like a dog one will bring a little bit of happiness to our lives and that way you know as well as show them that you know we have to care for other living beings and hopefully it'll bring love you know, to our life as well as I'm hoping that it'll increase our keep up I should say our physical activity because my kids are very active right now and I feel like having a dog will keep them active even with or without organized you know sports and other things happening so those are the main reasons so I'm gonna I want to know and this right yeah,

we're gonna blow some I'm

gonna blow some holes in this right now Okay, number one you think that it's going to increase like a sense of responsibility and you know all that and the boys. Who do you think is going to really be taking care of the dog? not responsibility I understand responsibility will fall on me, I said a sense of understanding that it's not just them Yes. That's what it is that yes yeah, so said that really resonated with me. Okay, good. And you understand like The Walking of the dog is gonna fall on you and the feeding of the dog and the cleanup of the poop of the dog. Okay,

I think I'm sure but i

but i will i won't make them I will make them participate. You know, we do that while obligatory Yes. Even for a while until you know what I think until they're less of a little bit less work for me and maybe the dog will you know I'll just replace it with the dog at that point. But we'll see.

Well, that's what I'm wondering. See now this gets to one of my my questions in my head, right? Because I see women my age okay. The kids leave the nest. The mom gets the dog I think of what the heck are you thinking you are finally free woman and they get the dog and I think do you? Do you need something to nurture? Are you feeling like as a woman, the women my age, Is it that you're not sure what to do next? As your kids are getting older the dog sort of gives you something to still take care of, and help with that transition. And I wonder for women whose kids are heading off to school, and they get the dog at that point, is there any of that tied up in it? I can see that. Oh, yeah, I can totally see that as a as a thing. We've talked about it. I know, women at work, we've talked about it, and they've, they've said, Yes, that's exactly why they got it. And I can see that I, I've said it for so many years that, you know, if I, if I wasn't able to have my children, I would have probably had like a couple of dogs, you know, by this point. I don't think it's a, it's that idea for me, quite honestly, because I'm so crazy busy. So it's not an idea of and my kids still take up a lot of my time. So it's not this idea of replacement. it as much as it is, I think, really, that, you know, the idea of it is something that my husband and I have talked about for a few years, the idea of adding the dog, our kids have started talking about it a lot for the past year. And just the idea, but I think that it's you know, it just brings me joy and thinking, more love for all of us to share. I understand it comes with more responsibility, but you know, when has added work ever stopped me from doing anything? So that's really, you know, that's not that's not it, but I can see that and I you know, I understand that reason for I do too. Oh, I completely do, I think it's a very legitimate reason I think it's got a lot of, kind of, it fulfills a need. And it's, it really is a it's a great and valid reason to get a dog. And I just, I hope that people understand that's part of the reason that they're getting it that it's, it's a way to sort of ease a transition in their life and that it, you know, fills fills that for them. I've loved our dog. I mean, our dog was super cozy and very, was you know, I remember how super cute a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, super cute Skittles. And, and very low maintenance. Frankly, this dog even though the dog had a little bit of a medical condition was not a super demanding dog of us, you know. And I think dogs can be a wonderful addition to a family, I think the kids really have kind of that, that unjudgmental, completely loving best friend when things are, when they feel things aren't quite going their way they have someone they can kind of vent to, who isn't going to give them any advice or any strategies or rescue them exactly what frankly, every parent should do. But we can't help ourselves the dog provides. So I think it's I think it's great, really, while snuggling while giving that cozy, warm, snuggle. Fantastic. So, but they are a lot of responsibility. And some are some pets are harder than others to train or to, you know, kind of keep, you know, in tow and all of that. So. And I mean, what what do you what do you see are the we talked about some of the pros, what do you see are some of the hidden cons to getting a dog

cost,

right and just buying the dog you have to care, you could you could cut that initial cost could be low if you rescue the dog, but yeah, so even if the initial cost is is low, or zero, because someone can give you a dog, there's the cost of taking care of them getting their their medical care, even if they're a healthy dog, just the maintenance. I mean, it's all out of pocket cost. Other cons that I've thought about a lot in choosing the kind of dog that we are getting is allergies, you know, this, this little fear of what if the, what if anyone is allergic to a dog in our family, so I've tried to get a hypoallergenic dog. And honestly, that they take up a lot of time. You know, I think that what I've learned and you know, in this process because as I said, I've been looking into it for over a year, chosen a breed about a year ago and then looked into breeders for several months. And then you know, had to find a breeder that not only did I find would be a good breeder, but that they also accepted me as a purchaser because they're pretty strict, and some of these breeds, which I can understand, but they take a lot of your time and energy. So that could be a con for some people. So if you're someone that's it's like having another child, I mean, my husband and I have joked around this last week that I'm getting the nursery ready for another baby, because that's honestly what it feels like because having never owned pots. As adults, especially a dog. We have nothing so I've had to buy the stuff that we need in order For it to be able to live here with us and to set it up and to think those things through, you know, how are we going to have this dog enter our lives and set boundaries, etc, etc. So there's a lot to think about one of the big things that I learned, did you have a comment there to add? No, go ahead. Yeah, I just that my oldest had a dog, And they really had, they loved this dog, you know, it was great. And they had the dog in the apartment and all that and, and had done behavior training with the dog and all that, but the dog ended up having some difficulty with, with being around other people, you know, not the people that they knew, you know, obviously, that that Lex the dog knew, but around, you know, strangers basically. And so, the dog ended up actually biting a person and they did went through behavior, retraining and the whole thing and that ended up biting a second person. And so they ended up having to, for the safety of the other people in their community, they, you know, they ended up giving the dog to a non kill rescue place, because they didn't feel like they could any longer safely keep the dog. And it was heartbreaking, you know, so, I do see there are cons, you know, some dogs are, you know, more challenging than others just like more, some children are more challenging than others, each dog comes with their own personality, and, you know, managing live that long when they don't, which is one of the other things I wanted to talk about is, you know, obviously you don't talk at the, you know, when you get the dog well, and by the way, boys, the dog isn't gonna live as old as you are, you know, but you'll you will have to deal with the fact that the dog is going to die Long, long before your kids do. And, you know, that's going to be an adjustment. And that has a pro to it, too, in a way. It allows them to experience grief with someone, they they are a dog as somebody they really, really love. But hopefully God willing, before, they really have to deal with the death of a person who they really, really love. I've thought that one all the way out already, because the average lifespan of the dog we're getting is about 12 to 15 years. So I'm gonna, I'm going to have a really difficult time then Molly, so you'll have to be there for you. Yeah, I will be there for you older and going away my dogs.

So to get another dog, I've already figured that out

I don't know, I don't know, you know, we'll see how that works out. But one of the big things, you know, kind of to piggyback on on your oldest child's experience with the dog, one of the biggest things that I learned that I don't think enough of us understand is that dogs shouldn't be chosen, and how cute that little puppy is in that litter. And that's how most of us choose the dogs, right, we find a breed that we think is just cute, or we know, we hear they're great with kids or they're great companions, etc, etc. But we don't explore it enough, or we don't go to the right place to find a dog to understand what their temperament is. And so these breeders and people that work with dogs all the time, are very good at understanding testing and understanding a dog's temperament. So from the litter that we are getting our dog from it under wet temperament testing, which was just a series of activities that they that they meaning the breeder, and staff did with the puppies, and they rated them on all these different activities, so that we could see where in the scale they fell on. And then we had the discussion of would this dog, you know, be good for our family. So because the breeder is so invested in making sure these dogs go to places where they're going to stay because we have contract saying, if we're going to give these dogs up, they go back to the breeder first. Because, you know, they want to make sure that these these dogs go into loving homes for their entire life. So what I learned was, you know, the same litter could have many different temperaments. So there could be a puppy in the in the in the breed in the in the litter that could be great with kids their temperaments easy going, they're a little bit more apt to being social. And then there might be other dogs that are very needy, and you can see it in the temperament testing. And so from doing that I could see he and the breeder and all things that I had to learn from the breeder because I am research because I didn't know any of this before. You could really kind of almost predict what kind of dog this was going to be in as far as their temperament. And I think that's really important because that and socialization of the dog. So once we receive our dog You know, we have a whole list of socialization activities that the breeder is asking us to do with the dog, you know, down to playing with balloons in your house or, you know, exposing your dog to different ethnicities, exposing your dog to children, under two adults over 65 tall men, it was on the list some different things and socializing the dog, because that was such an important thing. And as the The dog was there with the trainer, she was sending videos and showing us the things they were doing, they were running vacuum cleaners next to the dog, they were bringing up so that the dog doesn't get startled as easily or doesn't get upset as easily or goes with the flow. So I think what happens oftentimes is if you're a single person, or if you're someone without kids, or you're an older adult, you are only around people like you. So that dog never gets to exposed gets exposed to other people or other age groups or other. And so they react differently, and then we end up sending them away. And so that that is a problem, because that's why we have so many dogs that don't have, you know, homes anymore. And so I really thought, wow, this temperament testing, obviously, it's not going to be 100% accurate, but it's the best tool we have right now. And I thought it was so interesting and smart for them to be doing this.

Yeah, that's sad was honestly some of those socialization activities that are suggested, honestly, we should have a toolkit like that, for parents fulfill that as they're maturing, I'm not even joking, you know, so that as their kids are mature, I mean, I know some of the things that parents do with their children are just natural, and they do them. But some of the things that, especially if you live in a community that's very monochromatic, and very culturally similar, it would be great to encourage that sort of get out of your comfort zone, so that for the parent, so that there is a degree of familiarity and comfort with a variety of different types of people about an urban and suburban environments. You know, just everything about it sounds like a great list save that toolkit, going to a downtown area, yeah, around lots of noises is on the is on the list. But I was going to say everything about getting this puppy is like having a child. So even the approach on training. Really, we may look at how the training is going to happen. That's everything that I've learned about the positive parenting, it's the same sort of thing. So Truly, I agree with that, that would be great. We should come up with like a kit, you know, an idea list, if you will to really expose your kids because it's the same thing. It's basically the same thing. And I think that it's true in puppies, as well as children, I think, under two, you know, even to five, they need a lot of different exposure to different things by that age, in order for them to be more adaptable as they get older. Yeah, well, and then to continue it as they get older to re familiarize them with it over and over again. Yes, that's fascinating. Wow. So I'll be bringing the dog around you guys, too.

We have as you know, we have a yard for the dog. So make your own run. Yeah, they can the dog can experience the deer and the hawk. Yeah. All the all the flora and fauna of our backyard. I think that's great. Yeah, absolutely. Oh. So what do you plan to have the kids do like or have you taught? Oh, do they know they don't know yet?

About know that we're getting one they just don't know when?. So what did they expect their responsibilities will be? Do they have an idea? So they are going to be part of walking the dog. And they they're fine with that we take family walks already. So they're good with that. So and I told them that that might be more than once a day, it'll be a few times a day, there'll be responsible for watching the dog. Because, you know, we talked about especially, you know, I basically talked about the puppy as if we're bringing home a baby. And so I remind them that they have to be responsible around the dog, how they're acting, and so that their monkey wild play, as I'll call it, they're wrestling that they won't fall in hurt the dog, you know, so they're responsible for watching the dog as well. And they will also take part of a little bit of the training as much as they can, so that the dog is also familiar and will listen to them as well as just the adult you know, not just the adults in the family. So we'll include things as you know, I can't realistically expect them to go clean up the dog poop, although I've talked about it with them. And I might have them you know, You can though. Yeah, that I think shown how to do it. Yes, they

are old enough to be in to be

I think so too.

think so i think you're right. they can be in charge of feeding the dog to based on their age. So just as someone who guides, parents, around chores, abilities, they're definitely old enough for those two chores, around the, the feeding will be revolved around the training as well, because you feed them as you train them. So that's that will be, I guess, ingrained in that training part because they'll take part of that already. And then they'll you know, giving them giving him, you know, water as well or taking them outside. So there'll be there'll be responsible, I guess, I hesitate and saying their main risk in saying it, because it's not going to be their main responsibility in that it won't be up to them to make sure it happens. Obviously, it'll be up to us to make sure it happens. But there'll be taking part in all of it. I really, you know, my kids are they take part in all we talk about it as a family. And as a family, we all have things that we have to do to keep our family running and working in our household working. And so this is another one of those things. And I'm very excited about it right now. We'll see how it goes. Check back in about a month. Let the dog do a guest appearance on the podcast. There you go. Oh, absolutely. The dog. Anyway. Yeah, right. He may. We don't know. That's right. That's right. So So I think we can wrap this one up. I think the take home points are that dogs fill a lot of gaps in our lives. They provide friendship, companionship, undervote and undivided kind of love and listening for all of us adults and kids alike. But they do obviously require a lot of commitment. There are a lot of responsibilities around having a dog financial commitment, as well as time commitment. And, and, and a willingness to not just love on the dog, but also train the dog to be a part of a family and a part of a community so that the dog also can be able to control himself in a lot of ways. And I think that that's important too, to remember. It sounds like the issue of Will your dog fit your family, at least with your breeder has been has been pretty well worked through which is great for picking up a dog and other ways, let's say from a breed from a from a rescue place or from another family who may need to get rid of their dog should ask a lot of questions about the dog's temperament to better understand whether or not that dog is going to be a good fit is the dog easy going does the dog do well around other people is the dog scared by loud noises or sudden movements, things like that will help guide a family to know whether or not the dog is going to be a good fit. It might be but you need to understand that dog's temperament and your family situation. Remember that the dog is going to is going to die before you do God willing and certainly before your kids do God willing. And so remembering that when you get the dog, you don't necessarily have to prepare for that until the time comes. But thinking about it and understanding that is important as you as you enter into that process of dog ownership. Some dogs live a long life as ciency was talking about. But even my dog, my little King Charles Spaniel didn't live as long as expected because of health conditions. So knowing that you're going to be having those discussions with your kids is important to be thinking about. Making sure that your kids understand that they're going to be part of the of the joy. And also part of the work of having a dog I think is one of the valuable things that comes with having a dog as part of your family. And it's it gets easy sometimes to have that an early part of the discussion, but just then letting it go once the dog gets there or when it becomes too much work to get the kids to stay involved. But I think it is important to keep the kids engaged in caring for the dog. Because Cinzia I think pointed out one of the most important values that having a pet provides which is helping those kids understand that that they are not the center of the universe that there is more to the world than just them. And by encouraging participation in the actual caring for the animal provides that in a very concrete way. Anything else Cinzia for th wrapping up points I think that's it. I think you wrapped it up. And you know, we're going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. o we'll let y'all know how t goes. All right let's anoth r episode of parenting with t e pros and cons. If you have a y other topics you'd like us o discuss or questions plea e contact us you can find us a d other podcasts that we ha e created at parenting with t e pros and cons calm. You c n reach Dr. Molly at Dr. Mol y OShea calm and you know unt l that until next time, take ca e of yourself and try to find j y in every day as you a e parenting with all the pros a d co